The Graham Marsden Retirement Mega Fish-In.
An Alternative view, by Kevin Perkinsâ€¦â€¦â€¦..
Let me say at the outset that due to my positioning at this event, I wasn’t able to witness to a large amount of the behaviour (good, bad and downright ugly) that went on at this Fish-In. And I have to say that considering that there were FOUR moderators present, I’m not sure how some of it was allowed to continue. Therefore, for once, this will just be a completely honest appraisal of how events unfolded, as seen from my perspective……….
I arrived at Boundary Park around mid afternoon on the Friday, and very pleasant it all looked, I must say. A fair few FMers were already in attendance, and thoughtfully the old, infirm and those with bladder and bowel problems had been placed nearest to the amenities. After saying ‘Hello’s’ to friends old and new I was motioned to take a vacant swim ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE LAKE!
Although slightly taken aback by being apparently spurned by people I thought to be friends, I was invited to join Slime Monster, Morespiders and Posh Paul on the ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE LAKE for the duration of the event. Despite the inner hurt I was feeling, my companions and I in the newly formed OTOSOTL club (not as exclusive as the PoSH club, but it won’t have people clamouring to join.....) got tackled up and had a reasonable spell of fishing, with Posh even managing to land a couple of bream (or the same one twice, what does it matter?) Graham and Ed managed to make the long trek round to see us OTOSOTL and we all wished Graham well on his retirement
As the first day slipped into a velvety evening we in the OTOSOTL club stood around drinking ginger beer, dandelion and burdock and a very weak lemonade shandy or two, having quite a convivial time. Just then, Mr Dave Chilton and Ed came over to see us OTOSOTL, and recounted some rather risqué and bawdy tales, the like of which we had never heard before. After those two left us, and still slightly stunned by their language, we retired to our bivvies at around 10.00pm for a good night’s rest before a day of furious fishing action on Saturday.
Just before we zipped up for the night we could make just make out the carousing going on over by the car park, but as it was SO FAR AWAY, we thought it wouldn’t bother us at all. But how wrong can you be? Safely ensconced in the arms of Morpheus and dreaming of catching several of Boundary’s prolific carp (well, I did say it was a dream) only to be rudely awakened by a commotion close by.
Now, we had heard rumours of the lane behind us being used for nefarious nightime rendezvous, but this was a blatant attempt at kissing and making up by members of the Car Park Crew who came over to tell us AT 2.30 IN THE MORNING that they still loved us. In the case of poor Mr Spiders he would have been really ‘loved’ if they had managed to unzip his sleeping bag. But we were all saved as the CPC had by now walked so far to come and see use that they were worn out. That long, long walk must have really taken it out of them because their hand/eye coordination was awry and their speech was slurred as they staggered off into the night. I won’t name the culprits, but will just say if they go to another overnight Fish-In they should be afraid, be very afraid……
Still, despite all that, Posh was up fishing quite early and managed to land another couple of bream (or the same one as yesterday, twice over) and the day dawned bright and clear. Around mid-morning we were joined by Neil Maidment who had also been ostracised to the OTOSOTL club, which I though was strange, because I thought he had lots and lots of friends on FM, just goes to show you never can tell.
The day wore on and no further fish were caught by the OTOSOTL club, although Stealph Viper who was directly opposite us did have three bream, but that may just have been Posh’s pet fish that had wandered over there. I was somewhat taken aback when I turned round in my swim to find a robed, hooded figure standing behind my bivvie, thanks very much Mr Melling…..!! (Although very nice to me, you, in person at last). Around 4.30 we decided to wander over to the barbecue.
On our way round, the OTOSOTL club passed Paul H and Dicky who were appeared to be trying desperately to pick up news of the golf scores by turning Paul’s umbrella inside out to act as a satellite receiver, but to no avail. Also on our way to the barbecue we passed the lake owners livestock pen. There were three goats in it on our way to the barbecue, only two goats in it on the way back……..
Still, once we all met up again, it was nice to see faces old and new, and speaking of new faces, one couldn’t help notice how youthful and fresh-faced Gary Knowles was looking. He had just flown in from a fishing trip to Cuba (allegedly) although his appearance looked like it owed more to a trip to the botox and collagen filler clinic. This view was further evidenced when Barney decided to moon us all whilst getting changed.
The lack of any tan lines on someone who has just spent weeks in the Caribbean sun should raise doubts on it’s own, but combine that with a complete lack of visible hair when he mooned us all would imply that the botox clinic probably does ‘back, sac and crack’ depilation for gentlemen as well…………..
Wol and Cakey (Barbie B*tch) were doing a fabulous job with the barbeque, and everyone was getting into the swing of things. Well, they certainly were later when a golf club was produced and several members attempted use it to launch boilies into the lake. As a baiting up method it was doomed to failure, I mean a driver; surely they should have been using a 3 iron for a shot like that.
Also, a bit later on, Steve Spiller gave us a ‘how to’ demonstration with the spod. The way Steve does it you spray your bait from the water’s edge right out to your target area, and about twenty yards either side too. More like carpet bombing than a precision strike, but if it works for Steve….
By now there is so much activity going in and on it’s hard to take it all in, let alone relate it all. Mr Bibby, Dave Chilton, Ron, The Monk and Windy were in cracking form, and the now infamous PoSH initaitation performed by Ed was a wonder to behold. Having been told he could join the Port and Stilton Club if he could get both items into his body by some other means than his mouth.
Brave Ed then took the Stilton, placed a peck on the back of his hand and snorted up his left nostril in the manner of a Regency dandy taking snuff. We are not quite sure how he got the port into his body as he disappeared behind a bivvy to do it, but I hope whoever drunk out of that bottle next wiped the neck very clean first.
Other notable events…….
Neil Maidment gave a masterclass in fly casting, Ed and Dave Chilton gave a masterclass in macramé using the very same tackle (Although some said Dave’s efforts looked more like basket weaving).
Andy Nellist gave us an insight into a new method of charging client’s that will be brought in soon. Instead of the traditional hourly rate for their services, they will charged by the word. Obviously, the more words they can get out in a hour, the more they will get paid, and Andy proved he was really up to speed on this, because at the rate he was going on Saturday night, most of us would have racked up huge bills.
Morespiders found a number of odd socks scattered around the venue. As Long john Silver is long gone, could it be that other famous monopod, Heather Mills, has taken up fishing..?
Steve Spiller is cursed with good looks and is so often mistaken for film stars and other celebrities. To get round the attention of autograph hunters he has taken to wearing wrap-around dark sunglasses during the day. Even when it’s not sunny, even when it’s peeing down with rain, even after he had been out on the lash on Friday night……….
I should just mention the companies that sponsored the event. TickleTackle realised the significance of the occasion and against all of its strong financial principles decided to give away stickers to participants. Please note, this was a definite one-off and will never happen again.
Posh Paul rounded up the other event sponsors, although largesse from them seemed to be absent, unless you count the new bite alarm that Posh was using that has a volume control that can be set from inaudible to silent. I’m sure it will be a big hit with the long stay carp boys who don’t want to be disturbed once they have bivvied up for the night.
As to the others, Bivvie-Bevvies are some sort of mobile catering outfit, looking after the needs of long stay anglers. Not to be confused with Bivvy-Mates, who cater for a whole different set of needs.
Pallet-Racks might have you scratching your head, but if you’ve ever sat on the boards at a commercial and wonder where all those planks come from, just think back to times when you have seen a scabby old Transit flat bed scouring industrial sites picking up broken pallets……..
Dai-Wah is a new tackle company being set up Wales, more details to follow.
KystonMight, well, they might not, as on Saturday night I saw Dave Chilton in a heated discussion with Andy Nellist (when he could get a word in, that is) about image rights.
But seriously, there was so much going on - and that so much of it was good natured reflects very well on the man who brought it all together, and in whose honour the event was staged. The organisation was excellent, the barbeque and cake presentation were brilliant and it was obvious that the genuine affection we all feel for Graham shone through the entire weekend.
Kevin Perkins (OTOSOTL club)
See more pics at Graham's Flickr page
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