Woody the Moaning Marlow Meldrew wrote (see)

I'm going to tell that to erm.....   ahhhhh..... ooooohhh..... Mrs Woody when she comes home.

DOH! I forgot.

Lord Paul of Sheffield wrote (see)

Not long now Monk

Ed wrote (see)

he might pass away before he reaches it

Ha Ha

You can get some incontinence tips from Ed and Ron 

tinca steve wrote (see)

Then you become one of the OLD ones, Mr.Monk  !
You know the ones that leave a smell of poo behind them

Stevie the 'Pisc Artist' wrote (see)

Ha Ha

You can get some incontinence tips from Ed and Ron 

Read right to the end .......... 

  A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:  
 
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may  choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! 
 
 
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: 
  Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.  
 
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads: 
  Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids. 
 
"That's nice", she thinks, "but I want more." 
 
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads: 
  Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking. 
 
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. 
 
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads: 
  Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework. 
 
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" 
 
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads: 
  Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak. 
 
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads: 
  Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. 
 
PLEASE NOTE: 

 To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street. 
 
The first floor has wives that love sex. 
 
The second floor has wives that love sex and have money. 
 
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited  
 
 

BRAVO!

An Englishman and a Scotsman were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold beer.

After a while the Scotsman says to the Englishman, "If I was to sneak over to your house and have sex with your wife while you were off fishing, and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related?"

"The Englishman crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head, and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question.

Finally, he says, "Well, I don't know about being related, but it would make us even."