I've had a word with 'someone' and he may not reach 20,000
ah ha panicing not Ed because I`m nearly a member of the ultra elite 20,000 club and you realise that once I gain membership my status will be much higher than yours, me being a superior Mank and you being mere scouse git, people will assuse you`ve nicked most of yours
A sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wants her vaginal lips reduced in size because they were too loose and floppy. Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon agreed. Awakening from the anesthesia after the surgery she found 3 roses carefully placed beside her on the bed. Outraged, she immediately calls in the doctor. "I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!" The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and that the first rose was from him: "I felt sad because you went through this all by yourself." "The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery and empathized because she had the same procedure done some time ago." "And what about the third rose?" she asked. "That's from a man upstairs in the burn unit. He wanted to thank you for his new ears."
A dedicated T&GW union worker was attending a convention in Blackpool and decided to check out the local brothels. When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union house?" "No," she replied, "I'm sorry it isn't." "Well, if I pay you £100, what cut do the girls get?" "The house gets £80 and the girls get £20," she answered Offended at such unfair dealings, the union man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized brothel. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded, "Why yes sir, this is a union house. We observe all union rules." The man asked, "And if I pay you £100, what cut do the girls get?" "The girls get £80 and the house gets £20." "That's more like it!" the union man said . He handed the Madam £100, looked around the room, and pointed to a stunningly attractive blonde. "I'd like her," he said. "I'm sure you would, sir," said the Madam..
Then she gestured to a 92-year old woman in the corner, "but Ethel here has 67 years seniority and according to union rules, she's next."
LEAP DAY BONUS !!!! LEAP DAY BONUS !!!! LEAP DAY BONUS !!!! LEAP DAY BONUS !!!! LEAP DAY BONUS !!!! LEAP DAY BONUS !!!! LEAP DAY BONUS !!!!LEAP DAY BONUS !!!!
A crusty old guy walks into a tavern and sees a printed sign hanging over the bar which reads:
CHEESEBURGER: $1.50, CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50 and scrawled in a woman's handwriting below that: HAND JOB10.00
Checking his wallet, he walks up and beckons to the attractive bartender.
"Yes?" she inquires, "can I help you?"
"I was wondering," questions the old man in a low voice, " if you are the young lady who gives the hand-jobs?"
"Yes," she smiles with a wink, "I am."
The man replies, "Well, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger."
A Duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of bitter and a ham sandwich. > > > > The barman looks at him and says, "But you're a duck". > > > > "I see your eyes are working", replies the duck. > > > > "And you talk!" exclaims the barman. > > > > "I see your ears are working", says the duck, "Now can I have my beer and > > my sandwich please?" > > > > "Certainly", says the barman, "sorry about that, it's just we don't get > > many ducks in this pub. What are you doing round this way?" > > > > "I'm working on the building site across the road", explains the duck. > > > > Then the duck drinks his beer, eats his sandwich and leaves. > > > > This continues for 2 weeks. Then one day the circus comes to town. > > > > The Ringmaster of the circus comes into the pub and the barman says to > > him, > > You're with the circus aren't you? I know this duck that would be just > > brilliant in your circus, he talks, drinks beer and everything!". > > > > "Sounds marvellous", says the ringmaster, "get him to give me a call". > > > > So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says "Hey Mr. > > Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good > > money!" > > > > "Yeah?" says the duck, "Sounds great, where is it?" > > > > "At the circus", says the barman. > > > > "The circus?" the duck enquires. > > > > "That's right", replies the barman. > > > > "The circus?" the duck asks again. > > > > "Yes" says the barman > > > > "That place with the big tent?" the duck enquires. > > > > "Yeah" the barman replies. > > > > "With all the animals?" the duck questioned. > > > > "Of Course" the barman replies. > > > > "With the big canvas roof with the hole in the middle", asks the duck. > > > > "That's right!" says the barman. > > > > The duck looks confused. > > > > "What the f *ck would they want with a plasterer?"
10.00
