Council complaints - These are genuine clips from
council complaint letters:
1. My bush is really overgrown round the front and
my back passage has fungus growing in it.
2. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole
house and I just can't take it anymore.
3. It's the dog mess that I find hard to swallow.
4. The man next door has a large erection in the
back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
5. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it had
backfired and burnt my knob off.
6. And their 18 yr old son is continually banging his
balls against my fence.
7. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the
outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the
other night that blew them off.
8. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
9. Please send a man with the right tool to finish
the job to satisfy my wife.
10. Will you please send someone to mend the
garden path? My wife tripped and fell on it
yesterday and now she is pregnant.
11. I request permission to remove my drawers
in the kitchen.
12. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have 2 children
and would like a third, so please send someone
round to do something about it.
13. I am still having problems with smoke in my
new drawers.
14. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath
the children until it is cleared.
15. Will you please send a man to look at my
water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.
16. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is
coming away from the wall.
17. I want to complain about the farmer across
the road, every morning at 6 a.m. His cock
wakes me up and its now getting too much
for me.
18. I wish to complain that my father hurt his
ankle very badly, then he put his foot in the
hole in his back passage.
19. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have
crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy.
20. I am a single woman living in a downstairs
flat and would you please do something about
the noise made by the man on top of me every
night.
21. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now
in three pieces.
22. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor
6 times but I still have no satisfaction.
23. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is
broke and we can't get BBC2.
