My confession of using maggots as a weapon relates to a t***er who once decided it might be a good idea to run me and my motorcycle off the road with his green Cortina. He'd followed me out of the local that midsummer day, and did his best to murder me by sideswiping me.
I reported him the the local copper, who reassured me he'd post someone near the pub and see if they could get him for drink driving. A coule of days later, I spotted his car in the pub car park, widows slightly open to let the heat out. Shot home, collected a pint of gozzers and tipped them into his car before scarpering.
A couple of days after that, the copper stopped me and told me they'd caught the bloke tanked up, in his company Cortina, and he was probably out of a job as well as banned.
"'Orrible bloke, my mate said," said the copper. "Dirty, too. The car was full of flies..."