The Alternative Angler - Eau de Pêcheur

Eau de Pêcheur I AM SURE you have all experienced occasions where, despite fishing identical tactics and baits right next to your best mate, it's always the other jammy git that has all the success. And then just to rub it in they will then fish with your gear and still catch more than you. This phenomenon has often thought to be linked to body odours and pheromones, and there has been a recent article by Jeff Woodhouse, which lead to some discussion on FM as to whether or not someone else just handling your tackle would somehow make it more attractive to fish. Never ones to fail to spot an opening, Tickle Tackle's boffins got straight to work, and are proud to announce that, at last, they have discovered a real breakthrough in fish attractants, and this time it's not a spray, or a glug, or an additive. In a parallel development to the leading perfume company's headlong rush to launch fragrances named after celebrities, we see the launch of the all-new range of Eau de pêcheur toiletries. These are perfumes with a purpose that will transform your body odour into that of a famous and successful angler, giving you an invisible yet undeniable attraction to your piscine quarry. The complete range includes shower gel, exfoliator, hand cream, foot balm, after shave and deodorant, and will of course come in a plethora of different fragrances, with each scent being a faithful reproduction of it's fisherman counterpart. Pure distilled essence of true angling greats, the range kicks off with some of FM's better known names, but be assured that this olfactory extravaganza will be added to at every opportunity. Graemé, a soupcon of musty banknote First up is Graemé, and just opening the bottle and taking a deep breath will conjure up visions of a light breeze ruffling the surface of a Cheshire Mere at dawn. Then there are subtle notes of breadcrumb and brown sauce, with just the merest hint of old, cracked leather, and finally a soupcon of musty banknote to round off what is deservedly the most expensive aroma in the range. Nellisté, complex and intriguing Then there is Nellisté, complex and intriguing, full of many scents you think you recognise, yet balanced with some you certainly shouldn't. This is also unique in that like a fine wine it will mature with age, although that may not actually improve the scent, it will certainly make it much more intense. Barneé, overpowering Barneé is one for the solitary specimen hunter, someone who is not afraid of his own company. It is a robust, some would say overpowering scent, and like a genie, once out of the bottle, it cannot be returned. Again, although the main theme of the fragrance will be immediately recognisable, if you persevere, you will be rewarded with those subtle nuances of oriental overtones such as vindaloo and jalfrazi, with a streak of poppadum running right through. Woodié, will attract those with no sense of smell Woodié is one for the serious angler; application of this fragrance is designed to ward off 'nuisance' fish of any kind. An amalgam of many different, and yet strangely complementary aromas such as Werthers Originals, Steradent, Ralgex Spray and Grecian 2000 all combine to ensure that this will attract only the very hardiest specimen fish, and more particularly, those with no sense of smell. This is one for men who like a real challenge. Deanōs, damp whippet and beef dripping Now, for Deanōs, which is a real surprise package. Because although the name may allude to something of a Latin nature, it will not assail your nostrils with anything like that at all. Some will sense musk (although it is actually damp whippet) intricately blended with essence of beef dripping, high notes of suet pudding and then finished with hint of something elusive and just out of reach, a whisper of new cork and varnish that only comes when you peel off that tight, shiny wrapper that covers a hand built, bespoke barbel rod. Roneé, under development, but indicative of mothballs The following scents are still under development, with a hoped for early December launch to catch the Christmas present market, and to begin with there is Roneé, the most challenging fragrance to date. The total package has to present maturity, perhaps indicated by mothballs, blended with a hint of exotic dried fruit, oaked red wine and a degree of sharpness not seen in the other perfumes in the range. Bazzeer, uncompromising Bazzeer is an uncompromising scent, with the sledgehammer effect of smelling salts. Still in need of further fine tuning to the blending, as volunteer testers exposed to this merest whiff of this scent tend to run off down the bank abandoning their tackle. Eddié, essence of scouse and brake dust Eddié is an intriguing challenge in an attempt to capture the essence of dusk over the Mersey, with a light mist from burning cars settling on the water. This to be infused with the aroma of a steaming pan of scouse, laced through with the unmistakable twang of brake dust fresh from the inside of hub caps. All of the above will be presented in eye-wateringly expensive packaging, and will be only be available through authorised TickleTackle dealerships.