The Alternative Angler - Alternative Xmas Carols

Alternative Christmas Carols Time to bow out this year and wish all of you on FM a very Merry Xmas and Happy New Year, and I will leave you with a few festive fishy ditties: Jingle Bells Jingle bells, jingle bells, The bailiff's on his way Your Xmas pressie camou gear, Means you don't have to pay Oh Jingle Bells, etc. etc. Crouched down by a tree Just don't make a sound 'Cos if he can't see You surely won't be found Oh Jingle Bells, etc, etc. Think you've got away But suddenly he turns His thermal image Xmas gift Will cost you many pounds Oh Jingle Bells, etc, etc. Dashing through the snow With a brand new carp barrow You don't see the covered rut And go arse over your elbow Oh Jingle Bells, etc, etc. Tackle everywhere It's really quite a sight Broken nearly everything You unwrapped just last night Oh Jingle Bells, etc, etc. Haul the pieces home It makes you want to choke Tell the wife you need more gear She tells you that's a joke Oh Jingle Bells, etc, etc. Good King Wenceslas Good old Ronnie he looked out O'er Yorkshire's hills and dale-s Endlessly he chewed on figs And supped on Theakston's ale-s Brightly shone his ring that night Though the frost was cruel Folks would come and warm their hands It saved them buying f -u -e - l Ding Dong Merrily Ding dong merrily, I'm high Oh how I love this fishing Why am I in this state? Is it the glug I'm sniffing? Ding dong merrily, I'm high I've got the munchies badly Eating groundbait balls And laughing really madly Ding dong merrily, I'm high Oh dear, the bivvy's spinning The worms are dancing round The maggots are all singing Ding dong merrily, I'm high My head is getting heavy Don't like this feeling now Next time it's just a bevvy Silent Night Silent fart, noiseless fart Who let go? We all know Barney's g-u-i-l-t-y Look at him grin Clouds of gas wafting Under his chin Dirty b*st*rd they cry D-i-r-t-y b*st*rd they cry Merry Christmas Everybody So here it is, carp for Christmas Every Pole is having one Net out the lake and leave Before the coppers come You can get them from Sainsbury's At five quid for a pound But why pay when they are free And plenty to go around Might need a licence 'Cos the locals do get fraught No need to worry, though Not likely to get caught Away in a Manger Away in a garage No crib for a bed Poor little Deanos Lays down his thick head No clothes bar his Y fronts Hear his knocking knees To keep out the cold He must drink antifreeze Curled up on the dog's bed He dreams of a rod Asks Mazdin for charity He's got no hope, poor sod! We Three Kings We three kings of Fish-Ins are we Cakey, Graham and good old Ronnie Supping malt whisky, getting quite frisky When asked for payment they flee River fishing, is what they dream Some go for roach, and others for bream Doesn't seem fair, there's always one there Who is now called the pike catching queen. Wendy hooked a personal best Well over ten stone, not an ounce less Hooked fair and square, twixt top lip and hair A new species record, no jest