The worst fish related joke ever!

[Alex Hammond]

One day God calls down to Noah and says "Noah me old china, I wants you
to make me a new Ark".

Noah replies, "No probs God, me old Supreme Being, anything you want
after all you're the boss".

But God interrupts, "Ah but there's a catch this time Noah, I want not
just a couple of decks, ..... I want 20 decks one on top of the other".

"20 DECKS!", screams Noah, "Well, OK Big Man, whatever you say, should I
fill it up with all the animals just like last time?"

"..... Yep, that's right, well ..... sort of right.......this time I want
you to fill it up with fish" God answers.

"Fish?" Queries Noah.

"Yep, fish ... well, to make it more specific Noah, I want Carp, wall to
wall, floor to ceiling - Carp!"

Noah looks to the skies, "OK God my old mucker, let me get this right,
you want a New Ark?"

"Check".

"With 20 decks, one on top of the other?".

"Check".

"And you want it full of Carp?".

"Check"

"Why?" asks the perplexed Noah, who was slowly but surely getting to the
end of his tether

"Dunno" says God. "I just fancied a Multi-Storey Carp Ark"

 

[GrahamM]

Nice one, about as old the Ark itself, but you know what they say about old jokes!

Okay, let's hear all your old jokes then (and a new one or two).

But keep it reasonably clean!

 

[Alex Hammond]

2 fish in a tank, one says to the other,
"So, How do you drive this thing"

Coat....i know

 

[Dai Gribble]

They don't come any worse than this. Name three fish beginning and ending with the letter "K". Killer shark, Kwik Save Haddock and Kilmarnock - its a plaice in Scotland.

 

[Carp Angler]

Two fishermen are fishing in a local river when a funeral procession passes over the nearby bridge.

One of the fisherman takes off his hat and holds it close to his chest until the procession passes by then replaces it on his head.
The other fisherman is impressed by this and remarks that he is touched by the others respect for the funeral, to which the fisherman replies

"It's the least I could do, we would have been married 35 years next week."

 

[Dave Johnson]

good effort Rik...even the missus smiled at that one!!

 

[DAVE COOPER]

It was a cold winter day when an old man walked out onto a frozen Lake Erie, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line and began
waiting for a fish to bite.

He was there for almost an hour without even a nibble when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice not too far from the old
man and dropped in his fishing line. It only took about a minute. WHAM!

A largemouth bass hit his hook and the boy pulled in the fish. The old man couldn't believe it but figured it was just luck. But the boy dropped in his line and again within just a few minutes pulled in another one.

He went to the boy and said, "Son, I've been here for over an hour without even a nibble. You have been here only a few minutes and have caught two fish! How do you do it?" To which the boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rarm."

What was that you said?" the old man asked. Again the boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rarm."

"Look, son" said the old man, "I can't understand a word you're saying."

So the boy spit a wad into his hands and said, "You have to keep the worms warm!"

 

[Dave Fry]

rod hutchison,kevin nash and andy little are stood by a large lake when a massive carp jumps in the far margin,the problem was ,it was a 2 mile walk around. rod calmly picked up his gear and walks across the surface to the other side.kevin shrugs and does the same.andy little steps onto the lake,sinks to the bottom and tragically drowns.kevin turns to rod and say's "should we have told him about the stepping stones"
"what stones are those then" replies rod!!!!!!
not only god walks on water!

 

[Steve Baker]

Sorry not fishing related but funny non the less.....

Adam was moping around the Garden of Eden. Nothing was right. In fact, he was downright depressed

So God asked him, "What is wrong with you?"
And Adam said, "I don't have anyone to talk to."
So God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be Woman.
Adam asked, "What is Woman?" and God explained.

"A person who will gather food for you, cook for you, and when you discover clothing She'll wash it
for you.
She will always agree with every decision you make.
She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them.
She will not nag you and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement.
She will never have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it."

Adam asked God, "What will a Woman like this cost?"

God replied, "An arm and a leg."

Then Adam asked, "What will I get for a rib?"

And the rest, as they say, is history.

 

[Dai Gribble]

What do do call a fish with no eyes? Fsh

 

[Cakey]

Graham and Rik rent a boat and go fishing,they catch loads of fish and return to the bank.

Graham: I hope you remember the spot where we caught all those fish.

Rik: yes,I made an 'x' on the side of the boat

Graham: you idiot! how do you know we'll get the same boat?

 

[GrahamM]

Rik: Easy, it's got my name on it now you fool.

 

[Mike Fidler]

Ha!Ha!Ha!

 

[Gary Knowles]

Two parrots sat on a perch.

One says to the other

"Can you small fish?"


geddit ?...........

 

[GYPSY DAVE]

It would have been funnier if you had written "smell".

 

[Gary Knowles]

mist suort this spelcheck out......

cheers Dave

 

[Roto fryer]

whats the fastest thing in the water?
a= motor pike and side carp
umm !!!