I arrived at the water just as the first hint of dawn touched the horizon. Having selected my swim I ordered the ACME "Laze-O-Fisher" into action. Stepping back I admired the way it went smoothly into action. Hydraulic arms lifted various packs from the central hub and began to deploy
them. The auto-bivvy was inflated within seconds, followed by the camp bed
and sleeping bag. Robo-maid began to make tea and bacon butties whilst the
Daiwa "Swim Manager" drove in the rod rests with impeccable precision. Once the three submersible drones had located the fish the Ronco "Bait 'n' Boilie" mixer began firing ground bait with unerring accuracy at the spot. Meanwhile the "Tackl-Eezy" had set up the rods and, once the ground bait had
been distributed, delivered the baited hooks to the swim via "Tuggit" compressed-air mini torpedoes. I was now ready to catch some fish. Donning the "Sonar-Speak" earphones I listened to its reports. "A carp, pproximate weight 12 lbs, is appoaching bait number 17. 6 feet and closing, five feet
and closing. Fish has turned away and gone out of range. Alert! Alert! There is a pike in your swim. Shall I eliminate it?" And so on until, soothed by its gentle drone (and the tea and butties) I switched on the
"Auto-Catch" system and had a nice sleep instead. When I awoke there were six fish in the keepnet, one was a 19lb carp, a personal best for me. I went home with an inner glow of satisfaction and I couldn't help but feel superior to some other bloke that I passed along the bank. Unbelievably he was float fishing. A float! I ask you? Bloody primitives like that shouldn't be allowed on the water. By God, I love angling, it gives me a chance to really get close to nature and to pit my wits against the wily denizens of the deep. Now, I must investigate that super new product I've
seen advertised. The blurb "Catch big fish without leaving home" sounds intriguing.