The Call of Nature

[S-Kippy]

I was out early this morning and TBH felt a bit crook to start with. After about an hour the persistent growling in the nethers became rather frantic and with motion sensors going off all over I was into the bushes double sharp.

Jeepers ! I now know what an IED is having had one go off in my guts !
So...that's another groundbait towel that will never see bream slime again.mg:

I never think to take a bog roll,not that it would have done me any good this morning...arterial spray would be nearer the mark.

How do you cope....or do you live dangerously and accept that you might put through your own net occasionally ?

 

[Lord Paul of Sheffield]

I usually fish evening sessions and by then I've gone 3 times

 

[barbelboi]

EBS, educated bowel syndrum to the uninitiated.......over the years those of us that are better prepared manage to educate ourselves to dump outside of fishing time..........maybe you need a pencil and many sheets of paper to work it out
Jerry
PS Whatever happened to bog in a bag?

 

[iannate]

It may be worth considerieng a venue with the facilities if you're feeling a bit crook?

Luckily, I haven't had to find out what I would do.

Just remembered a certain company has released line wipes, they look like wet wipes so if you feel embaressed about carrying such things, you can claim to want them to wipe your line. Mind you there are sveral people here that would use most of their product range to perform the function you outlined

 

[nicepix]

Spending so much time outdoors for most of my life I don't have a problem with doing what bears do in the woods. Toilet paper is for wusses. A handful or two of grass serves the purpose.

As for EBS; I never managed that. Probably because I worked shifts for the best part of twenty-five years. I also am occasionally prone to the sudden urgent necessity syndrome, but always so far have managed to find a quiet spot to alleviate the urge.

The biggest problem was when inshore fishing off the kayak. A two mile paddle to the shore and back or strip off the Farmer Johns and squit alongside, that was the dilemma

 

[S-Kippy]

Normally I make sure I'm unloaded and the safety is on before I leave but this one sneaked up on me. I think I may have to carry a pack of summat but I cannot bear the smell of Wet Wipes.

I dont have an issue with a bit of bushcraft....its dealing with the aftermath.

 

[nicepix]

Normally I make sure I'm unloaded and the safety is on before I leave but this one sneaked up on me. I think I may have to carry a pack of summat but I cannot bear the smell of Wet Wipes.

I dont have an issue with a bit of bushcraft....its dealing with the aftermath.

Get a pack of those small polyester hand towels from the Pound Shop. They were three for a quid last time I was in. Cheap enough to dump and (unused) ones are great for wiping your hands on.

 

[flightliner]

I once remember fishing an eastern winter league match on the middle level. One of the teams had a lady member (good angler too) and one of the guys on our coach was drawn beside her and was plaiting his legs for a long period during the match as there was simply nowhere to get out of sight of her to save his embarrassment.
When the whistle blew for time she got up from her seat and dropped her pants in front of every guy presant and did things right there in front of them and pulling her drawers up said "God, Ive been waiting an hour for that ruddy whistle"mg:

Dont forget the golden rule in winter either if you have a hoody type garment, rumours abound up here of one guy who forgot to pull it out of the way during an evacuation and when he was sitting comfortably afterwards decided his head was a little cold!!!!!

 

[terry m]

Joking aside this is a serious consideration. Where possible I like to have a right royal clearout before going fishing, but there is always the chance of getting the two bob bits, and when you gotta go you gotta go. So a roll of lavatory paper is the order of the day and a carrier bag to take the evidence away if it is solid enough. mg:

Handfuls of grass are fine but tend to spread rather than wipe.

 

[rubio]

There ought to be some water nearby!
It's what your left hand is for!

 

[dorsetandchub]

You know it's serious when Skippy's in the sh1t


Who does Skippy call on? Does he carry a mobile in his pouch? Can anyone understand him? mg:

Therapy / new job - delete as appropriate

 

[S-Kippy]

You know it's serious when Skippy's in the sh1t


Who does Skippy call on? Does he carry a mobile in his pouch? Can anyone understand him? mg:

Therapy / new job - delete as appropriate

I do hope that's not a subliminal kangaroo reference. Most people regret mentioning that 'kin thing anywhere near me !

God how I hated that chuffin thing !

 

[barbelboi]

Possibly you could use Red's shorts as a porta loo - do a Demis Roussos song while you're dumping and no one will be any the wiser............except maybe Red.
Jerry
PS we could always call him brown shorts thereafter.............

 

[S-Kippy]

I've not seen him yet this year but luck like that can't last.

 

[dangermouse]

You know it's serious when Skippy's in the sh1t


Who does Skippy call on? Does he carry a mobile in his pouch? Can anyone understand him? mg:

Therapy / new job - delete as appropriate

He just goes to the bush kanga-loo.

 

[peter crabtree]

Runneymede pleasure ground c.2007. Was fishing the Thames and got a quick sharp warning from my nether regions.
Aaaaahh! Huge park, families picnics, kids, dogs.....
The only place was in the neatly manicured bed of bamboo type plants about 50 yards behind me. Must have looked well dodgy as I strolled over to the bushes but I was beyond caring who was watching.
Dangerously closecto touching cloth I dropped'em, squatted down and $pl@t.
Then a football came crashing through the bushes and landed 3" from my issue.
My first thought was someone is going to come into the bushes to retrieve the ball!
Get your cacks up quick I thought but I was too late. It was the best looking milf in the park giving me 'that' look.....mg:

 

[rains]

Runneymede pleasure ground c.2007. Was fishing the Thames and got a quick sharp warning from my nether regions.
Aaaaahh! Huge park, families picnics, kids, dogs.....
The only place was in the neatly manicured bed of bamboo type plants about 50 yards behind me. Must have looked well dodgy as I strolled over to the bushes but I was beyond caring who was watching.
Dangerously closecto touching cloth I dropped'em, squatted down and $pl@t.
Then a football came crashing through the bushes and landed 3" from my issue.
My first thought was someone is going to come into the bushes to retrieve the ball!
Get your cacks up quick I thought but I was too late. It was the best looking milf in the park giving me 'that' look.....mg:

Lmao when you have to go you have to go the same thing happened to me the pain get that bad i just ran into the bush's

 

[jacksharp]

When forced to squat while fishing, the Izaak Walton rule of two comes into play:

You are twice as desperate as usual to go, the resulting jobbie is always twice as much, twice as smelly and twice as sloppy as normal and takes twice as much bogroll and twice as long to clear up.

In the past I have made several swims on the Ribble unfishable for a decade or so!

 

[S-Kippy]

Your bum is also twice as far away from your kecks as you think it is. How anybody could poop in the hood of their one piece is beyond me...I think that's an urban myth...the nearest I ever got was one day on the Kennet but I was rather distracted as there was a pheasant shoot going on and I did not fancy being mistaken for "ground game"

That day I was done & back on me box in less time than it takes to read this,trust me. The H&s Risk Assesment would probably have said "stop the activity"....not really an option the state I was in that morningmg:

In those days it seemed to happen every other trip. Big Phil reckons I was scent marking my favourite swims.

 

[laguna]

feeling crabby now the offer has ended....