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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    Mid Wales
    Posts
    1,255

    Default Want a Fishing Magic cap?

    We've got precisely 69 baseball-type caps - olive, embroidered in gold with the FM logo - waiting to be won by fishing-jokesters. These splendid caps can be worn back-to-front i.e. with the peak above the forehead or in the conventional style popularized by welders. Large-headed jokesters need not bother because these are medium-sized only...unless, of course, they just want to off-load a joke.

    It occurred to all of us at FM Towers that even when (in the good old days) people told jokes, there were never any fishing jokes.

    There was always the old stand-by about the bloke who got married because his wife had worms but it wasn't a fishing-dedicated joke for anglers-only. WAS there ever one? Perhaps you can think of one! (Let's think.........errr.........what sort of line do they use in Monmouthshire? - Monnowfilament! (How's that in 2 seconds?) Come on...you can do better. you'll receive a cap - like it or not - if your gag is considered worthy by the lovely Emma and Nicola....

    Please allow 7-110 days for delivery.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Location
    Ongar, Essex
    Posts
    652

    Default Re: Want a Fishing Magic cap?

    A young man walking along the Pier notices an old man with his shoes off, trouser legs rolled up, legs dangling in the sea and fishing with an imaginary rod.
    Puzzled the young man asks, "What are you doing?"
    The old man replies, "Fishing for CeeUnext-tuesdays."
    "Sounds good. Can I join you?" replied the young man.
    "Of course you can, pull up a pew son."
    The young man sits down and casts an imaginary rod out, and then says, "So, how many have you caught today?"
    The old man replies, "You're the third this morning."

    I'm Pink, Therefore I'm Spam....!

  3. #3

    Default Re: Want a Fishing Magic cap?

    I phoned up the fishing helpline today.

    I said, "I'm **** at fishing and need some tips."

    The man said, "Okay, can you hold the line

    I replied 'No'
    Last edited by wa1115; 09-10-2015 at 13:25.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Location
    Furkum Hall, Sheffield
    Posts
    17,805

    Default Re: Want a Fishing Magic cap?

    I saw a bloke fishing the other day and I asked him, "Have you caught anything?"

    He said, "I've caught loads today."

    "Using maggots, are you?"

    "No, liquorice."

    "What have you caught with that?"

    "All sorts," he said.

    ---------- Post added at 14:27 ---------- Previous post was at 14:25 ----------

    I was fishing with my Italian friend Mario.
    "I'm bored," I said. "How can we pass the time?"
    "We could have a debate," he replied.
    "No thanks," I said, "I've brought sandwiches."
    PaSC British by birth, English by the grace of God
    I got the devil in my blood,Telling' me what to do
    (And I'm all ears), Britain's premier bread angler

  5. #5

    Default Re: Want a Fishing Magic cap?

    How do you communicate with a fish?

    Drop it a line.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Location
    Ongar, Essex
    Posts
    652

    Default Re: Want a Fishing Magic cap?

    A young guy from Sheffield moves to California and goes to a big department store looking for a job. The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Bennetts of Sheffield." The boss liked the kid so he gave him the job.

    "You start tomorrow. Ill come down after we close and see how you did." His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down.

    "How many sales did you make today?"

    Kid says, "One."

    Boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day.
    How much was the sale for?"

    Kid says "$201,237.64.

    Boss says "201,237.64?? What the heck did you sell?"

    Kid says, "First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat; we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didnt think his Mercedes would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him an Escalade."

    The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?"

    Kid says, "No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said, your weekends shot, you might as well go fishing."

    ---------- Post added at 14:48 ---------- Previous post was at 14:35 ----------

    A woman goes into Discount Fishing Supplies to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday.

    She doesn't know which one to get, so she just picks one and goes over to the counter.

    The salesman is standing there, wearing dark shades.



    She says, "Excuse me. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"

    He says, "Madam, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter,
    I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes."

    She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.

    He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-lb.Test line. It's a good all around combination, and it's actually on sale this week for £44."

    he says, "That's amazing that you can tell all that, just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!"

    As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.

    "Oh, that sounds like a Visa card," he says.

    As the lady bends down to pick up the card, she accidentally farts.

    At first she's really embarrassed, but then realises there is no way

    the blind salesman would tell exactly who had farted.

    The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be £58.50 please."

    The woman is totally confused by this and asks,

    "Didn't you tell me it was on sale for £44. How did you get £58.50?"

    "The Duck Caller is £11, and the Stink Bait is £3.50."
    I'm Pink, Therefore I'm Spam....!

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Location
    Old Arley home of the Crows
    Posts
    7,607
    Blog Entries
    1

    Default Re: Want a Fishing Magic cap?

    Lots of googling going on here

    My mate tells better fishing stories than me.


    He's got longer arms.
    •The crow may be caged, but its thoughts are in the cornfield

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    Mid Wales
    Posts
    1,255

    Default Re: Want a Fishing Magic cap?

    Fisherman goes to the doctor's..."Doc, I've got a really sore crutch...the pain when I walk is excruciating"

    "Ok" said the doctor, "lay on the couch"

    The fisherman lies there nervously, staring at the ceiling. Before he knows it, the doctor tells him to stand up and walk "How's that?" he says.

    The fisherman smiles contentedly and says "That's bloody marvellous! What did you do?"

    The doctor told him "I cut three inches off your waders"

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Dec 2001
    Location
    In God's County: Wiltshire
    Posts
    22,164
    Blog Entries
    6

    Default Re: Want a Fishing Magic cap?

    !. "I don't care what yer name is . . . . you ain't walking on the water where I'm bloody fishing . . . . "


    2. What's the biggest fish you ever caught?

    Erm, that would be the one that measured fourteen inches...."


    That's not so big!"


    Between the eyes . . . . ?





    Scholars have long known that fishing eventually turns men into philosophers.

    Unfortunately, it is almost impossible to buy decent tackle on a philosopher's salary. ~

    Patrick F. McManus






  10. #10
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Location
    Ongar, Essex
    Posts
    652

    Default Re: Want a Fishing Magic cap?

    Quote Originally Posted by thecrow View Post
    Lots of googling going on here
    Just raiding my email joke file... it's odd... folk send me mails marked... "you're a fisheman, you'll love this"
    I'm Pink, Therefore I'm Spam....!

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