Well chaps I'm just back froim a torrid bout of worm-wrestling and I might say it was rather a surreal experience.
I got out of the car and wondered where in the hell the din was eminating from. On the way to the school field the roads had been littered with young ladies in embarassingly flimsy looking outfits. I remember seeing the first couple and thinking "Christ look at those poor girls, they must have been accidentally locked in a tanning salon".
Anyway the air is throbbing with the dulcet tones of none other than the 'Pussycat Dolls'. It had completely escaped my attention that they were playing live tonight up at the July racecourse.
I moved onto the battle ground half fearing the worst. Surely this racket will have put them back down their burrows? Fortunately it was not the case, confirming a long term suspicion of mine that worms have terrible taste in music.
As it turned out the music actually added to the experience and I found myself getting with the beat.
"
Don't ya wish ya girlfriend.... I grab a big sixer with my left hand, shuffle Ali style around an inordinately large dog turd
,...."Don't ya wish ya girlfriend..... a little shake of my booty, torch between my teeth and I nab his four inch counterpart with my right hand! I gather a goodly amount of worms while the 'Pussycat Trolls' work through their repetoire.
For any of you pesky youngsters that are looking in, there is a real art to 'worming'. Basically there are two clear strategies. The 'War of attrition manouvre', or the 'Snatch and jerk'. If it's your first sortee then stick with the former. The latter method is only really for skilled, seasoned worm charmers like myself. Stick with the 'War' technique to begin with. Grab your worm and take up the tension, then out wait him. Once he tires you'll feel him start to slip in his hole. That's the time to draw him out.
Once you've mastered the Snatch though you will have super-worms. You see it involves a swift and immediaste plucking of the worm from the ground. Your first efforts will probably only result in a bucket of broken worms. Once mastered though it will provide worms so fighting fit that they will bring back any perch under a pound in a head lock for you!
Here's the fruits of about twenty minutes worming.
