GRUMPY OLD FARMER!!

Hi,

Ive just found a smoking little water in the middle of nowhere that is fished by a few clueless yokels. I went to have a "covert" look at the place yesterday and even in all the snow there where a few good kippers moving about and bubbling all over the place. The bloke who owns the pool is a real miserable old so and so, my question is....... how do i convince him to let me sit amongst these toothless fools and let me fish it....?

cheers, foxy

A bottle of Malt??

Reynard,
A dodge that Bob, an old gentleman poacher used to use was to pay the farmer a visit with the daily newspaper, and a bunch of flowers for his good lady wife.
I myself was surprised at how many times this introduction worked.

Get your wife / girldfriend / mate to knock your teeth out and learn to play the banjo.

Then go see him.

Tell him you are from the EC and need to assess the stocks in the water before deciding how HUGE a grant to allocating him

I'd send somebody else to ask if I was you Foxy, the local yokels, miserable old gits and toothless fools might see through your brand of diplomacy......

Well said Graham, us clueless yokels should stick together.

A bottle of "good malt" and a polite manner, do not blast the water with everything modern tec can offer either if you put three rods out you will be off quicker than you know it. one rod and a pleasant manner.

A bottle of malt and politeness is the best way and follow Lee's advice regarding tackle. Whatever you do don't offer money because he might suddenly realise a club or or an association would pay him good rental.
Me and and some made that mistake on a stretch of the Suffolk Stour some years back. We fished it for one season only before the land owner rented it out to Colchester A.S..

Okay then, if the offer of money is not the way forward.
March briskly down the cobbled path, dressed in your best set of tweeds, highly polished hob nailed boots, swinging your left arm, with a shillelagh made of blackthorn tucked tightly under your right arm, and a spring in your step.
Go around to the side door, ignoring the two dogs snapping at your jacksy, and give the door three or five good raps with your cudgel.
After a respectable wait of fifteen minuets, give a further three or five raps in staccato fashion, this usually brings a response but is not guaranteed.
Hopefully it will be the farmer?s wife who opens the door to you. Pull your cap to a jaunty angle, clear your throat, and ask if you could speak to her mother, at the same time brandishing a bunch of freshly picked daffodils you filched from a neighbouring farm.
As you are speaking to her, make sure you are stood downwind so she does not smell the whisky on your breath. Cough politely, not forgetting to put your thumb and first finger to your mouth and tipping your little finger. Display all the mannerisms of a country gentleman, while proceeding to give her a good flannelling.

ROFL

Top replys lads being a west country boy originally im loving bazs blackthorn approach although i have to say im more of a Thatchers / Natch man moiself

so to summise so far.....

A) Alcohol. One of the lads has tried that with little success

B) Daily paper and flowers. Not really an option

c) Cash. hmmmm i think he would go for that (only as a last resort, im from farming stock and i have never met a poor farmer yet

The comments about the anging club moving in.... this wont happen. The story goes that he used to let everyone in the village fish it, but he had a lot of kids down there smashing all his stuff up so he just banned everyone "GET ORF MOI LANDDD" stylee. I have considered my approach, and it is as follows....

pop round there tonight, "hello, excuse me for bothering you" (friendly and apologetic) " i have just moved to the area and was out walking my dog" (nearly true)" and i noticed that you have a pond, i pressume you are the owner?" "ARR, THAT I BE" (Stereotypical but probable) "well, i was talking to xxxx who was down there fishing last saturday (the yokels shall
pass un-named) and he mentioned that there maybe a chance of fishing the pool if i was to talk to you very nicely (At which point he either says "GET ORF MOI DRIVE WITH YOUR FANCY MOWDER CAR" or "OIV ADD A LOT OF PRABLEMS WITH KIDS FOM THE VILLAGGE AND I AINT LETTING NO-ONE ON THERE" at which point i qucikly reply "well, i tend to fish quite alot at night, so if i can fish here, you will have the piece of mind that the lake is being watched for any signs of children mis-behaving, isnt it a shame when kids vandalise farm property etc in my day etc leave your back door open and so so and so on.

If none of my inane rambling works, then i have 50 crisp ones in my wallet that i will offer as a retainer should anything happen + i will also use one of the Yokels as a character referance should it be required. Failing that im going to fish it anyway (night) so he can

im going up tehre tonight, leaving in about 40mins so ill let you know.

"WISH I LUCK MOI LUVVERLIES"

Foxy

I could give you a sure fire way ---but this isn't the Bait Box,suffice to say it involves getting to know his missus rather well .......

Foxy, if your'e from farming stock you've got your opening, talk about your background, father, mother etc.

Can farmers talk about anything else but farming???????.

You could start the conversation by telling him that "walking up the drive seeing the farmhouse brought back memories of when etc. etc".

Find out which pub he frequents (if any, if he doesn't bin my idea right away!), get to know him and the other yokels when they're all sat at the bar. Buy him a beer or two, first name terms erc and then casually work the conversation round to fishing etc. Long term battle campaign that.

It's a tactic that's worked for one or two very famous anglers!!

The Saga continues......

Went up there last night. Snow was REALLY bad. Got to the farm gate and noticed the light was on, tried the gate LOCKED! looked up and noticed his missus in the window with a couple of Jack Russels staring at me through the snow. She came out and..........the old boy wasnt there! apparantley hes back this morning so i will give him a bell.

She apologised for looking the gate but they had been having problems with the gypsys!!! so i went on the charm offensive "ohhh isnt that dreadful" "shouldnt be aloud" " we pay our taxs" etc etc.

Phoned one of the yokels last night so he puts a good word in for me before i talk to him this morning.

Reckon thers a good chance of getting on.

Ill try and get some piccys

Foxy

oops, have to reply to eds comment..... not really an option, she is at least a 70 and looked like a little shrivelled walnut.

Bless er `art

Take a paper bag with you. )

"not really an option, she is at least a 70 and looked like a little shrivelled walnut."

Thats ok, send ED in on your behalf!

LOL think i will be sending Merv and Ed will be ringing the old boy at 10. Sat at work bored to tears will be posting all day ;-)