C
Cliff Hatton 2
Guest
Haven’t I got anything better to do?
<u>Carping Scandal!!!!</u>
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Scandal surrounds The Anglers Retreat in Benfield, Berkshire, following allegations from a 21 year old ‘hostess’ that carping super-star, Baz Crumpet, had forced his attentions upon the girl during a tea-fuelled all-night extravaganza at the well-known Thames Valley venue.
Donna Upton, a former student at the Dagenham Girls Academy of Domestic Science, told police that members of the exclusive British Cyprinoid Collective had virtually trashed two of the luxury £25 per night suites, poking holes in the polystyrene ceiling tiles with their rod-tips, constructing experimental bivvies with hotel bed-sheets and leaving irreparable Kelly kettle burn-rings on the carpets. She also alleges that Derek Scuttle, Committee Chairman, made inappropriate remarks about her fishnet stockings and ear-rings then went on to hurl a Corby trouser-press into the goldfish pond from his first floor apartment window.
Neither Crumpet nor Scuttle was available for comment when reporters called at their £120k luxury homes on the gated Willows estate on the outskirts of Grimsby but both are said by a source close to the BCC’s shady nerve-centre to deny any accusation of verbal or physical abuse. Close aide and colleague, Lee ‘Dogger’ Banks, said that both men had commented only favourably on Ms Upton’s stockings, saying that their gauge and mesh-type were both soft and unlikely to cause damage; the alleged incident involving Ms Upton’s ear-rings involved, according to Banks, “nothing more than the addition of size 8 trebles”. He refused to elaborate on rumours that the pair had then gone into the bathroom to conduct experiments.
Crumpet’s 63 year old wife, Doreen, a former Tiller Girl, was saying nothing last night from her parents’ home at The Evergreens in nearby Market Rasen.
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<u>Carping Scandal!!!!</u>
<u></u>
<u></u>
Scandal surrounds The Anglers Retreat in Benfield, Berkshire, following allegations from a 21 year old ‘hostess’ that carping super-star, Baz Crumpet, had forced his attentions upon the girl during a tea-fuelled all-night extravaganza at the well-known Thames Valley venue.
Donna Upton, a former student at the Dagenham Girls Academy of Domestic Science, told police that members of the exclusive British Cyprinoid Collective had virtually trashed two of the luxury £25 per night suites, poking holes in the polystyrene ceiling tiles with their rod-tips, constructing experimental bivvies with hotel bed-sheets and leaving irreparable Kelly kettle burn-rings on the carpets. She also alleges that Derek Scuttle, Committee Chairman, made inappropriate remarks about her fishnet stockings and ear-rings then went on to hurl a Corby trouser-press into the goldfish pond from his first floor apartment window.
Neither Crumpet nor Scuttle was available for comment when reporters called at their £120k luxury homes on the gated Willows estate on the outskirts of Grimsby but both are said by a source close to the BCC’s shady nerve-centre to deny any accusation of verbal or physical abuse. Close aide and colleague, Lee ‘Dogger’ Banks, said that both men had commented only favourably on Ms Upton’s stockings, saying that their gauge and mesh-type were both soft and unlikely to cause damage; the alleged incident involving Ms Upton’s ear-rings involved, according to Banks, “nothing more than the addition of size 8 trebles”. He refused to elaborate on rumours that the pair had then gone into the bathroom to conduct experiments.
Crumpet’s 63 year old wife, Doreen, a former Tiller Girl, was saying nothing last night from her parents’ home at The Evergreens in nearby Market Rasen.
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