Poshpaul (Angling Trust and PaSC)
Moderator
Port and Stilton Club Annual Dam Flask Event
(in ascending order – Bluenose, Corkers, Lord Paul, Steve King, Poshpaul, Dangermouse )
The bulk of this Booker Prize entry is written by Lord Paul - the real truth is included by Posher's italicised drivel
September a month that heralds the change of seasons, blackberries are ripening, squirrels are storing their nuts for winter and PaSC hold their annual fish-in at Dam Flask.
In previous years the water level has been lower than a South African batsman's average but this time the Dam was full and members of the PaSC could fish from the bank rather than from something that looked like the Somme.
Lord Paul arrived at 8:45 at Sheffield station to pick up Danger Mouse (Neil) as agreed, at first Lord Paul mistook the gangly bloke with a fishing holdall for Peter Crouch dressed as a tramp but soon Neil's gear was loaded in to the car and off they set (well after Lord Paul made several illegal manoeuvres, cutting across lanes, turned right at a "No right Turn" sign and through a red light, with Neil's face turning from a pasty pale to red with fear faster than a ginger in the sun)
Arriving at the bank side Spiders pointed to the right and said "There are some good swims up there", then the rest waited until Lord Paul had put his gear in a swim to the right and then they headed to the left - buggers!
Lord Paul loaded up the butler chimp and followed the others.
Corky selected a stretch of bankside where we could all fish within sight of each other (Corky always does this since he was once nearly taken by a kestrel). And so with the water looking good having a slight ripple and a bit of colour we cast in and sat back and waited for the first bite, and waited and waited and waited.
Finally Neil caught a small skimmer and to mark that occasion Poshers and Bluenose turned up at last Bluenose being from Liverpool had insisted they stop to look at a car parked up on a piece of wasteland that wasn't on bricks). (he won’t like that!!! Poshers) ,
As a member of the academic community Poshers had seen our cars parked by the side of the road next to an opening in the fence and decided that we must have walked miles away and be fishing as far from the cars as we could and set of to search for us. In the course of this wandering, Poshers stumbled and fell down the steep side of the Dam Flask and was only saved by Bluenose grabbing his Rod holdall (some say Bluenose saved Poshers, other say he was just making a grab for the holdall as Poshers went for a swim!)
I would like to point out that Bluenose’s feigned concern for me was merely jealousy at the loving care and attention the passing lady jogger was lavishing upon me…..blooming fish on the brain that Bluenose….I could have pulled you know!!!
Arriving late there were limited swims and Bluenose selected on a swim behind a bush and set out to fish for perch, whilst Poshers set up in the swim with the sloppy rain-sodden dog turd .
(The fools were unaware it was my mark as to the prebaited swim…..I mean who would choose to fish next to doggy do)
Steve King had made the mistake of leaving his landing net at home, but as it turned out it wasn't needed as all 3 of his fish from the day did not add up to 1lb (8oz and that’s generous!)
The fishing was slow, well I say slow it was non- existent, with only 1 fish apiece before lunch for each angler, well I say each angler, Corky stoutly refused to catch blaming his lack of bites on his wheat intolerance.
Lunch was taken at 1pm and we all broke to enjoy homemade scotch eggs (all except Corky with his wheat intolerance), pork pie (all except Corky with his wheat intolerance), stilton and crackers (all except Corky with his wheat intolerance) all washed down by port (all except Corky with his wheat intolerance) Corky enjoyed a lunch of figs, fruit and brie. (Little Chef market this as a RonBrunch)
At this point big thanks to our Southern Hemisphere member Chevin who kindly supplied the bottle of port.
After lunch, with the swims rested, it was believed the fishing would improve - this was not to be and only a handful of fish between all the members of the PaSC (all except Corky with his wheat intolerance)
At 5pm with the rain set in for the day it was decided to call an end to the fishing and hand out the prizes, just then Poshers hooked his second bream of about 3lb and was given 30 seconds to land it due to the match being over, sadly he didn't land it with in the time limit and it was disqualified by Spiders .
So all anglers having caught (all except Corky with his wheat intolerance) we made our way back to the cars for the prize giving. With so many top quality prizes to win the was much anticipation and the guard chimps struggled to keep the crowd in order
Poshers claimed the Lord's Chalice for biggest fish (claiming both the 3lb bream did count) and the Damm Flask (filled with whisky) for the best dive of the day (*it is/was filled with whisky)
The Butler's Bell was still with Swordsy (who could not attend)
New member Neil won the Corky Jug,and a bait apron a for the angler who most looked like Peter Crouch
Lord Paul won the Maid’s Goblet for catching the only perch of the day
Steve King won the Chris Worth Tankard for the excellent scotch eggs and homemade cherry cake he brought
Spider won a small tankard; Posher’s Port Pot, for services to the PaSC and immediately insisted we fill it with £10 notes
Eddie walked away with the Deluxe Teapot and half of Poshers fishing gear (well he is from Cheshire – new stereotype!!)
Corky was given a shoe box containing a surprise – yes….a bag of wheatos
Non-members and failed members are always welcome to attend these events – the fees are prohibitive and the fishing is occasionally taken seriously but the food and the banter …………………………….makes it hardly worth turning up.
So it is just about right for you lot!!!
(in ascending order – Bluenose, Corkers, Lord Paul, Steve King, Poshpaul, Dangermouse )
The bulk of this Booker Prize entry is written by Lord Paul - the real truth is included by Posher's italicised drivel
September a month that heralds the change of seasons, blackberries are ripening, squirrels are storing their nuts for winter and PaSC hold their annual fish-in at Dam Flask.
In previous years the water level has been lower than a South African batsman's average but this time the Dam was full and members of the PaSC could fish from the bank rather than from something that looked like the Somme.
Lord Paul arrived at 8:45 at Sheffield station to pick up Danger Mouse (Neil) as agreed, at first Lord Paul mistook the gangly bloke with a fishing holdall for Peter Crouch dressed as a tramp but soon Neil's gear was loaded in to the car and off they set (well after Lord Paul made several illegal manoeuvres, cutting across lanes, turned right at a "No right Turn" sign and through a red light, with Neil's face turning from a pasty pale to red with fear faster than a ginger in the sun)
Arriving at the bank side Spiders pointed to the right and said "There are some good swims up there", then the rest waited until Lord Paul had put his gear in a swim to the right and then they headed to the left - buggers!
Lord Paul loaded up the butler chimp and followed the others.
Corky selected a stretch of bankside where we could all fish within sight of each other (Corky always does this since he was once nearly taken by a kestrel). And so with the water looking good having a slight ripple and a bit of colour we cast in and sat back and waited for the first bite, and waited and waited and waited.
Finally Neil caught a small skimmer and to mark that occasion Poshers and Bluenose turned up at last Bluenose being from Liverpool had insisted they stop to look at a car parked up on a piece of wasteland that wasn't on bricks). (he won’t like that!!! Poshers) ,
As a member of the academic community Poshers had seen our cars parked by the side of the road next to an opening in the fence and decided that we must have walked miles away and be fishing as far from the cars as we could and set of to search for us. In the course of this wandering, Poshers stumbled and fell down the steep side of the Dam Flask and was only saved by Bluenose grabbing his Rod holdall (some say Bluenose saved Poshers, other say he was just making a grab for the holdall as Poshers went for a swim!)
I would like to point out that Bluenose’s feigned concern for me was merely jealousy at the loving care and attention the passing lady jogger was lavishing upon me…..blooming fish on the brain that Bluenose….I could have pulled you know!!!
Arriving late there were limited swims and Bluenose selected on a swim behind a bush and set out to fish for perch, whilst Poshers set up in the swim with the sloppy rain-sodden dog turd .
(The fools were unaware it was my mark as to the prebaited swim…..I mean who would choose to fish next to doggy do)
Steve King had made the mistake of leaving his landing net at home, but as it turned out it wasn't needed as all 3 of his fish from the day did not add up to 1lb (8oz and that’s generous!)
The fishing was slow, well I say slow it was non- existent, with only 1 fish apiece before lunch for each angler, well I say each angler, Corky stoutly refused to catch blaming his lack of bites on his wheat intolerance.
Lunch was taken at 1pm and we all broke to enjoy homemade scotch eggs (all except Corky with his wheat intolerance), pork pie (all except Corky with his wheat intolerance), stilton and crackers (all except Corky with his wheat intolerance) all washed down by port (all except Corky with his wheat intolerance) Corky enjoyed a lunch of figs, fruit and brie. (Little Chef market this as a RonBrunch)
At this point big thanks to our Southern Hemisphere member Chevin who kindly supplied the bottle of port.
After lunch, with the swims rested, it was believed the fishing would improve - this was not to be and only a handful of fish between all the members of the PaSC (all except Corky with his wheat intolerance)
At 5pm with the rain set in for the day it was decided to call an end to the fishing and hand out the prizes, just then Poshers hooked his second bream of about 3lb and was given 30 seconds to land it due to the match being over, sadly he didn't land it with in the time limit and it was disqualified by Spiders .
So all anglers having caught (all except Corky with his wheat intolerance) we made our way back to the cars for the prize giving. With so many top quality prizes to win the was much anticipation and the guard chimps struggled to keep the crowd in order
Poshers claimed the Lord's Chalice for biggest fish (claiming both the 3lb bream did count) and the Damm Flask (filled with whisky) for the best dive of the day (*it is/was filled with whisky)
The Butler's Bell was still with Swordsy (who could not attend)
New member Neil won the Corky Jug,and a bait apron a for the angler who most looked like Peter Crouch
Lord Paul won the Maid’s Goblet for catching the only perch of the day
Steve King won the Chris Worth Tankard for the excellent scotch eggs and homemade cherry cake he brought
Spider won a small tankard; Posher’s Port Pot, for services to the PaSC and immediately insisted we fill it with £10 notes
Eddie walked away with the Deluxe Teapot and half of Poshers fishing gear (well he is from Cheshire – new stereotype!!)
Corky was given a shoe box containing a surprise – yes….a bag of wheatos
Non-members and failed members are always welcome to attend these events – the fees are prohibitive and the fishing is occasionally taken seriously but the food and the banter …………………………….makes it hardly worth turning up.
So it is just about right for you lot!!!
