Just A Laugh

I heard this from a customer the other day and thought it was quite topical being the easter period and thought i would share it.

A young lad whose was normally most prompt turned up at Sunday School a half hour late.
As this was so unusual the vicar thought he would check if everything was ok.
The young lad confessed that he had intended to go fishing with his dad instead of coming to Sunday School that morning but his father had told him how much more important it was that he went to church than go fishing.

In this day of waning religion attendances the vicar was most impressed with the boys father and asked "did your father tell you why it was so important that you came to church instead of going fishing"?
Yes said the lad he said he didn't have enough bait for both of us!!!

Anyone else know any good fishing jokes?

All the fishing jokes I know are too politically incorrect for this web site.

LOL Dave. Ron, come on let's have em????

Every morning for the last 15 years, Dave takes his early morning walk by the river. And every morning during this period, without fail, Ron is seen fishing from always the same spot.

One morning, out of curiosity, Dave decides to have a chat with Ron.

"I've seen you here, summer and winter every day now for over 15 years fishing". "Do you like fishing?"

"I love fishing!!" said Ron. "I have fished every day of my life since I got married and that's 15 years ago."

"How on Earth do you manage it?" asks Dave. "And why on earth did you get married in the first place?"

"That's easy to answer." replies Ron - "She's got worms!!"

lol or perhaps not {;o/

Pope walking along a River Bank in South Africa. All of a sudden a couple of white guys jump in the river, drag out a local African who had a crocodile "attached" to his leg. They bash the crocodile and save the African.

The Pope is exultant and says to the saviours "you have given me hope that we can really live in harmony amoungst different races" and walks off.

When he has gone one of the guys says to the other;

"What was that all about Dirk?"

"Dunno Hanse, but he knows sod all about crocodile fishing".

OK - no yahoos about PC. I am the last person to have racist views, I just thought it funny when some one told me. And its old.

That one's as old as Table Mountain Stuart.

I know - but dont forget it probably stemmed from your roots. It still makes me laugh though.......

Two pikers speeding across the Fens at 5am on a misty morning, heading for their favourite drain.

They come round the corner and there are loads of match anglers standing all over the road, waiting for their turn at the draw.

No way Piker One, who's in the driving seat is going to brake - it'll spill the livebaits.

So he shouts a warning to his mate, ducks down behind the dashboard and crash/bang/aaaaargh/bump/oy/uuuugh/rumble rumble it's all over.

Piker Two looks in the rear view mirror and sees smashed seatboxes and shattered bodies clad in matching salopettes with Browning on scattered all over the road.

"We can't jess leave 'em loik tha'," he says to his mate. "Worrif summun' seez 'um..?
"Oi reckon we oughter go back an bury 'um."

His mate agrees and carefully spins the van round....
...They're just patting down the earth on the last grave when a copper comes along.

"Goin' pikin' boys..?" he says. "An wha'ss'appened here then."

"Well," says Piker One, "We was on our way down the Sixteen Foot an' all of a sudden there was all these matchmen jumpin' about in front of the van like a bucket o' frogs an I hadda run a few over.
"I've tidied all up arter 'um though an b uried 'em all proper like."

"I see," the copper says. "Are you sure they were all dead though...?"

"Well," says Piker Two. "I thought I heard one on'em groanin - but them matchmen is lyin' b@stards......."

A very honest sea angler goes out after promising his wife that he would bring home the supper that evening.

He blanks.

On his way home he passes the fish monger and buys 4 nice cod.

"Please throw them at me", he asks the fishmonger.

"What for?" he replies.

"So I can tell the wife I caught them", says the angler.

Ron, that wasn't even worth a groan!!!

Two old gents sitting by the side of a river fishing quietly first day of the season.
A hearse and all the entorage pass by on the road opposite.
Old gent one, doffs his cap, bows his head and says a silent prayer.
Old gent two " Thats damn decent of you, nice to see manners nowdays!"
Old gent one " Yeah..... well, she was a good wife."

She said: What do you mean by coming home half drunk?!
He said: Its not my fault.......... I ran out of money

I heard this on Radio 4 the other day (so it must be true). A doctor (it might have been Woman's Hour) was talking about her career, and odd things that had happened to her. She said the oddest was when some old man, who'd just been in hospital to have his leg off, woke up, then immediately asked her for his leg back. She tried not to laugh, but asked him - what he could possibly do with his amputated leg? Well, he says, I don't like to waste anything - I could hang it up in the back yard. I'd get some lovely juicy maggots off it!

Supposely a true story...A group of friends went seafishing on a charter boat in rough weather. One bloke was violently seasick and lost his false teeth. His mate for a joke hook his own false teeth on the seasick bloke line and tug the line. the seasick bloke thought he had a bite and brought it in and found the other bloke false teeth on his hook. He tried it on and said "No it definitely not mine" and threw it in the sea!!

Here's a quick one for you.

An angler driving home has a puncture outside a monastry. Whilst he is trying to change the wheel a monk comes out and helps him. Thene the monk asks him if he would like to come in for a meal. The angler accepts.

After a wonderful meal of cod, chips and mushy, the angler decides he must coplement the cook.

"That was truly wonderful" says the angler. "Are you the fish fiar?"

"no, I'm the chipmonk" came the reply.

groan...

Right - shaggy dog/ fish story #1!

One day, a local priest, Father O'Malley, is taking a stroll along the coast when he notices a boat getting ready to go to sea. The priest asks the fisherman if he'd like a hand. They get chatting and the fisherman ask the priest if he's ever been fishing.
"No", says the priest, "But I've always wanted to."
"Well father, I'll take you out today if you'd like."
The priest agrees, and the pair set out to sea. In the time honoured tradition of beginners luck, the priest soon hooks into a very large fish, and after a considerable struggle, the fisherman hauls it into the boat.
"What a magnificient son-of-a-bitch!!" cries the fisherman.
The priest immediatley voices his dismay with the fisherman's choice of phrase.
"Oh no", says the fisherman quickly, "Its just that, err - umm, its just that the fish is CALLED a son-of-a-bitch. That's right father, it's a son-of-a-bitch fish!"
The priest accepts this, and they make their way back to shore, where the fisherman presents the priest with his catch, which he takes home for dinner.
When he gets back home, he finds the bishop waiting for him. "Look at the son-of-a-bitch that I caught!" he cries, holding up the fish.
The bishop expresses his disgust with the priest's language.
"No, no, its called a son-of-a-bitch fish".
"Well", say the bishop, "That's ok then. Now seeing as you caught it, I'll clean it up and gut it"
Just at that moment, in walks Mrs O'Reilly, the housekeeper, bursting with the exciting news that the pope will be visiting them that very evening for dinner.
"Look at the son-of-a-bitch that Father O'Malley caught!" exclaims the bishop, holding up the fish.
Mrs O'Reilly is horrified by the bishop's terminology, and lets him know it.
"Oh no, Mrs O'Reilly", say the bishop. "It's called a son-of-a-bitch fish. Father caught it, I'm going to clean it up and gut it - why don't you cook it for our special visitor tonight?"
Mrs O'Reilly agrees, and sets to work in the kitchen. The pope duly arrives, and the four of them sit down to a wonderful dinner, the centrepiece of which is Father O'Malley's fish.
After the meal, the pope turns to the Bishop and says "Tell me, how did you come by such a magnificient fish?"
"Well," say the bishop, "Father O'Malley caught the son-of-a-bitch, then I cleaned the son-of-a-bitch, then Mrs O'Reilly cooked the son-of-a-bitch!"
A long pause follows, after which the pope looks the bishop square in the eye and says "You know what? You f*&*ers are alright"


I know, I know, I'm going to hell...

;oD lol

A blonde goes trout fishing to Rutland water for the first time. As luck would have it she catches a nice silvery 11/2lb overwintered rainbow - just the right size for cooking.

How do you think she tries to kill it?

By drowning it...;o)

Sorry Wendy.

Two blondes go boat fishing at Rutland.

Both of them catch their limits. One blonde says to the other, "I hope you remember that spot when we come out again".

"Don't worry" says the other blonde, "I marked the spot with chalk on the side of the boat".

"You stupid idiot", says the other, "How do you know we'll get the same boat?"