The Alternative Angler – Rod Rage Part 3

Never mind smelling the flowers, don’t forget to take time out to see the satirical side of fishing life and grab a laugh along the way as well. So here’s a regular column from Kevin Perkins to remind us that life is for laughing at, or taking the p*** out of, whenever we can.

Rod Rage Part 1
Rod Rage Part 2

Rod Rage – Part 3

Let’s assume you are on the bankside with all the bait, tackle and food you require for the day, so it’s rods out, reels out, and get on with it. But don’t rush things at this point; there are one or two items that you do need to pay attention to:

1. Put the reel on the rod the right way round. Never happened to you? Well it bloody well has happened to me. Fortunately it was still dark when I arrived to start setting up, and even more fortunately, my fishing companion at the time didn’t see me do it.
2. Open the bale arm before threading line through the rod rings. Not too much of a problem to correct these days with push button spools, but more mature readers will remember the perils of undoing clutch controls on the front of spools and then losing springs, drag washers, etc
3. Don’t miss any rings out when threading line. Nothing worse than finding out you’ve done this after you’ve put on all the terminal tackle and cast out. Normally you will notice this just after you have cleared up all the gear, poured yourself a cup of coffee and sat down to contentedly gaze at your surroundings (Come on, admit it, we’ve all done this one)
4. Never make the mistake of putting the line through any of the rings twice when threading up the rod. Not always easy to spot this one at first, but a 90% reduction in your casting distance can sometimes be a reliable pointer. (It can’t be just me, can it?)
5. Make sure the ferrules are pushed together tightly. Obvious I know, but……..

Having got the rods and reels sorted, there are now a couple of other hurdles to clear. If you are positioning the front rod rest in the water, do not lean too far forward when you try and push it in. If the water is deeper than you think, you stand a good chance of following it down to the bottom of the lake bed.

There is a distinct ‘tipping point’ when you know that you have just reached out too far, and there is no way back, no matter how fast you twirl your arms backwards. And if the lakebed is composed of soft silt, it is time for a re-think if the water has come up past your elbow and the rest still isn’t holding firm enough.

And whatever you do, never assume that raft of weed at the water’s edge will hold your weight, it won’t. The only thing worse than a welly full of water is a wader full of water. And under that weed raft there is bound to be a layer of that black, evil smelling slime that will gag you as you disturb those pockets of gas that come wobbling up to the surface, then use unheard of amounts of suction to remove said boot from your foot as you try and struggle out..

Whilst you are setting out the last few bits, take time to check that the keepnet is attached to a bank stick, and that said bank stick is itself secured before you fling the net out, otherwise it will disappear into the depths, doing a very good impression of a slinky spring going down stairs. And you won’t need reminding to ensure that your chair legs are secure before sitting down, you’d be surprised at the number of people who forget to do this simple check.

For those of you who smoke it is advisable to not have a cigarette in your hands when you are adjusting bobbins, etc. Red-hot fag end and nylon line are not a great combination. You then have to either hand-line your tackle in and redo it all, or spend the rest of the session fishing with a knot on your spool, which will catch when you cast, and if you do get a decent fish on you’ll be left wondering if the knot will hold. And almost certainly, you will forget all about it until the next time you go fishing and the first time you cast out, up will pop that knot to remind you. Who needs handkerchiefs?

Never, ever, choose small items such as peanuts, etc. as your bankside snack of choice if you are loose feeding in the ‘wag and mag’ style. Any interruption in the cast out, loose feed, feed face, rhythm isn’t too bad if you are feeding corn, but if it’s maggots, well, you don’t want a gob full of those. Best to adopt the ‘spit, don’t swallow’ technique if this does occur.

At some stage in your angling life you will embed a hook somewhere in your person, it is actually compulsory for all anglers to do this, so we won’t dwell on that. You will almost certainly tangle with one or other kind of wildfowl. Whilst you would think that the largest, ie, swans and geese will cause the biggest problems, be afraid if you are ever unfortunate enough to catch a grebe. For some reason, they have a particular dislike to being dragged through the water backwards, and if you do have to unhook one, be aware that their beaks do more than a passing impression of a sewing machine going flat out.

Apart from all that, you will have to have missed runs, fish that got away, and if you took a mate fishing, he/she will catch more than you. You will hear that peculiar crunching sound when you either stand on a rod or pole section, or shut it in the car boot. Oh, and you will at some stage leave something important behind on the bank or car park, usually whatever it was you put on the roof of the car so you couldn’t possibly forget it.

And if you do stop off at the pub on the way home, your mate, who will have caught more than you, will proceed to celebrate that fact big style, because they’re not driving! Never mind, though, there’s always the next time to look forward to.