(if its on a night when me mams at the bingo I cant go, I am looking after our Sandra's kids, and they sold the telly and all the bloody furniture on ebay last time we left them to fend).
"I have seen the Bristol Avon in flood, its like having a piss in a bucket!"
And even your stubby weener that you haven't seen since you were six years old couldn't miss it pissing down a fifteen foot high bank my chubby friend!