Good old days

[arthur2sheds]

She's got a face like a painter's radio

Got a £@nny like a wizards sleeve

A face that's been set on fire and put out with a golf shoe

Looks like he's been bobbin' fer apples...... in the chip pan

Wetter than an otter's pocket

Uglier than a hatful of monkey's @£&eholes

If brains were brass he'd be bankrupt

 

[Ray Roberts]

He would be out of his depth in a puddle.

His workers would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.

He was as excited as a blind man walking past a wet fish shop.

 

[Derek Gibson]

That face would curdle milk.

You'll laugh on the other side of your face if you cheek me.

You couldn't win an argument in an empty room.

 

[arthur2sheds]

"I refuse to enter a battle of wits with someone who is clearly unarmed"

 

[chrissh]

You're as bright as a Woolworth candle

Pull your socks up

Bed time - Up the wooden hill

 

[arthur2sheds]

Testiculating.... walking about waving your arms and talking bo££ox

Blamestorming... a meeting to find who's fault it is

 

[Merv Harrison]

She's that ugly, if you woke up in bed with your arm round her, you'd chew it off so you would'nt disturb her when you got up.

 

[chrissh]

My Nan had a saying duck, Nan & Mum move from Mansfield in the war to Hertford

Love a Duck - Hello Duck - Good bye Duck. I don't know the meaning of Duck

 

[sagalout]

For someone that's always losing something - It a good job he's got 2 nuts to hold his d**k on

Lucky I keep me balls in a bag

 

[Alan Tyler]

I think "love a duck" is a euphemised "F@@@ a duck" - to which a pal's answer was always "What, and die a cripple?"

The others probably started life as "Dux", meaning the top pupil in the class. Or so I've read...

 

[S-Kippy]

Not from me Mum or Dad but from my old mate Big Phil who often remarks that I have

"A face that could stop a workhouse clock" and "Eyes like a $hithouse rat".

I've always regarded them as compliments!

 

[Peter Jacobs]

"A face that could stop a workhouse clock"

That reminds me of a fellow moderator who has a "face made for radio . . . . . . . . "

One of my favorites from my male donor unit's father:


Nie są niedoinformowani po prostu spadł z choinką

(You are not uninformed you just fell from the Christmas tree)

 

[arthur2sheds]

Women should be obscene and not heard

 

[Derek Gibson]

You shouldn't let the little head rule the big un.

 

[Titus]

"F@@@ a duck" - to which a pal's answer was always "What, and die a cripple?"

The standard reply to that used to be "I'd rather **** a duck than duck a ****!

These days I'm more likely to feed the duck.

 

[nicepix]

The standard reply to that used to be "I'd rather **** a duck than duck a ****!

These days I'm more likely to feed the duck.

And rarely duck a feed

 

[Alan Tyler]

"Eat the skin; that's where all the goodness is."

That went for almost anything except bananas and citrus fruits. And possibly sausages. Wish I could have fed 'em a Haggis...

 

[robtherake]

Face like a slate-hanger's nail bag.

 

[arthur2sheds]

that's like the old "T!ts like a roofers nail bag"

How about a f@nny like a stab wound in a gorillas back

or a F@nny like a clowns pocket

Face like a bulldog licking P!ss off a nettle

Had to tie a pork chop round his neck so the dog would play with him.....

So ugly he had shutters on his pram

face like the bottom of a bag of chips

Face like a dropped pie

Face like a bucket of smashed crabs

 

[binka]

"As thick as a dockers sandwich"

"As thick as two short planks"

"As soft as a July plum"

"He's that lazy he had two weeks off work with a broken... Flask!"

"You can't teach your granny how to suck eggs"

"It's a myth that banks want their money back on a rainy day, they panic when the first cloud appears"

"Do you need a latch lifter?"

"It's a bit grey over Bill's mothers"

"He's that tight he's been sucking the same sweet for twenty years, one day he'll take the wrapper off"

"What's that got to do with the price of fish?"

Apologies for any repeats