Never mind smelling the flowers, don’t forget to take time out to see the satirical side of fishing life and grab a laugh along the way as well. So here’s a regular column from Kevin Perkins to remind us that life is for laughing at, or taking the p*** out of, whenever we can. But he does have a serious side occasionally…….
‘ANGLER’S TALES’ – OUT SOON!
We at FM are always keen to nurture the idea that internet sites and the weekly angling press are complementary to each other, so we are happy to announce that a brand new magazine ‘Angler’s Tales’ will be launched shortly.
This will be an exiting full-colour affair, and the best news is that they have scooped the rest of the fishing world by signing the North East’s premier specimen hunter, Kerry Growls, on an exclusive deal.
This is a bold new concept, one which, it is hoped, will expand on the single species sector of fishing, by offering a magazine based around one angler. Following the success of fanzines for football clubs and pop stars, this could be the next ‘big thing’, and we should give it all our support and encouragement.
Although the exact format of this new venture has yet to be finalised we have been allowed to give you sneak preview of the following articles that will definitely appear:
Front page will feature eye catching full colour picture of Kerry In Action.
Pages two and three will be an in-depth round-up of Kerry’s Week, in storyboard fashion, crammed with full-colour pictures.
Tackle-Up – this will be an informative article on tackle and bait preparation, (by Kerry) showing stage-by-stage how to get ready for a session.
Shutterbug – a features-packed section of photographic hints and tips, displaying how to Kerry manages to get the very best snaps of himself and his fish.
Horsepower – a section dedicated to helping you pick the right vehicle for the long haul south, down to the best fishing venues. Every week, Kerry will be in a different vehicle and will show you how to choose between diesel and petrol, whether hatchback or estate is best for lugging all your gear around, and is 4 x 4 a real advantage or not?
Rough It – a guide to low cost accommodation, ideal for when you are fishing in the south (you might have to go to their waters, but you don’t want to pay their prices – do you?).
Gear Box – a chance for Kerry to put his own sponsored tackle through its paces and show you in graphic detail just how good this kit really is.
Catch Up – turn to the bottom of page 16, column four, and below all the adverts for tackle companies that are happy to be associated with Kerry, you will find the rest of the weeks angling news stories condensed into five lines of text (space permitting, of course).
Centre Fold – a two page full colour spread of Kerry, wearing only his boxers, holding a fish, any fish.
Fan Club – boasts both junior and senior sections, where, for a small monthly subscription, you will receive a newsletter all about Kerry, and members will be able to buy autographed photos of their hero at advantageous prices.
Growls Cup, offering monthly cash prizes for the best picture of Kerry, culminating in the award of a magnificent silver trophy for the best photograph of the year printed in Angler’s Tales.
Work It – invaluable instructions on how to inform your new employer that any attempt to prevent you from going fishing for six days a week would be a gross violation of your human rights, and the dire consequences of a stress-related constructive dismissal case if they refuse you time off.
Mr & Mrs – sound advice from Kerry on where to go for the kind of understanding partner the dedicated specimen hunter lifestyle needs. Follow him on an undercover (except when he was signing autographs) trip to Doncaster Wife Market, where his tips will prove invaluable, as he shows you the pitfalls of mail order brides, and loopholes in the returns policy.
Tipp-Exp – every week you will find fish-catching ideas for species that Kerry probably hasn’t caught, but has taken the time and effort to get all the gen from an expert that has.
Competition Time – where all you have to do is complete a simple ‘spot the difference’ based on two photographs of Kerry. Enclose your entry along with a non-returnable entry fee of £ 100, and the lucky winner gets to accompany Kerry on a trip. They will be allowed to carry all his equipment and receive individual tuition on photographic techniques, light readings, backgrounds and poses. (If there’s any time left, a bit of fishing will be thrown in).
Grapevine – a chance for Kerry to spill the beans and dish the dirt as he reveals the truth behind the week’s hot gossip. He will come clean as to why his sponsorship deal with Brylcreem collapsed when a rival magazine published a sneaky paparazzi picture of him not wearing a hat. Also the reason why he turned his back on Hollywood, when he rejected the offer to play the part of ‘Uncle Fester’ in the new Addams Family movie, for fear of being typecast.
Issue 1 will hit the shelves very soon, at the ridiculously low price of £ 19.99, and will come with a free ‘must have’ accessory for all you budding specimen hunters, an unbreakable pocket mirror, just right for that final check for cabbage on the teeth before you smile into the camera…….